But before I continue, let me preface this trilogy of posts with a disclaimer. Please read this for what it is: a letter to myself; I would never judge anyone's experience but my own. If I ever decide to try another pregnancy there are so many things I want to do differently and writing them down is my only chance at remembering. (Lesson two: Pregnancy Brain, real. Never goes away, true. But I take offense at people assuming I don't have a memory anymore. It's just that there's SO MUCH MORE to remember and think about). That being said, I would have loved to have something like this to read as an expecting or new mom! Which is what motivated me to make these personal thoughts public.
OH! One more disclaimer. I'm going to talk about poop in lesson nine so skip that one if it's too much information for you. Ok, moving on.
Lesson three: Workout 4-5 days every week. You're not going to want to. You're going to be exhausted--your body is creating the miracle of life...yeah, that's hard work. But not giving up on exercise might be the biggest lesson I want to remember for any future pregnancy. When your body is changing and you have no control over what's happening to you and you even have moments where you lose a sense of self and feel more like a vessel than a woman, exercise is one of the only things you can do to make you feel like YOU again. You're in charge. Anything that counts as exercise goes: you can walk, swim, use resistance bands or lift weights (be careful with this one though--certain lifts/weights should be avoided), run, take exercise classes, do yoga...anything. It's good for your physical health, it's good for the baby's health, and most importantly, it is good for your mental health. I promise.
Lesson four: Do yoga. It's exercise (see lesson three), it's stretching parts of your body that are going to become tight and tender, and it gives your running mind a place to calm down and center.
Lesson five: Eat healthfully, but don't stress about eating. Eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full. Your body knows what it's doing.
Lesson six: Pregnancy can be isolating. Everyone thinks they know what to tell you, and everyone assumes you want to talk about it. Women who haven't been pregnant want to know what it's like (but how can you ever really explain it?). Everyone is eager to tell you how beautiful you look (mostly because it's the one safe thing to say, and because they assume you're feeling hideous which--let's be honest--is probably true) and that you're doing a great job (but seriously, what do they know?)! I have to be up front here though and say that I'm not a person who shares very personal information--especially not about what I'm feeling. I know there are women who have a completely different experience than I did because they do actually want to talk about it. And other women really do love being pregnant. I didn't. So I know that people really were trying to be supportive and, had I given them a chance, I might have been surprised by their capacity to empathize with me. But mostly I was surprised by how irritated I got at the fact that (a) I didn't feel like I could ever be honest (while I knew it was worth it, I still mostly hated being pregnant and it's not really socially acceptable to say so), (b) no one really knew what I was going through (even women who have been pregnant because no two pregnancies are alike), and (c) there are so many changes happening physically and mentally that even if I did finally think about what I wanted to say, chances are I would be feeling completely differently 38 second later.
Lesson seven: Don't become a hermit. It will be easy, especially in the first trimester, for your habits to change. I was so sick and exhausted that I didn't want to see anyone or do anything. But when I stayed home I just felt lonely and had time to worry and just got a bit down in general. I wish I would have tried to maintain as much of my normal schedule as possible: friends, dates, movies, family dinners... This does get easier in the second and third trimesters when you feel better, but sometimes those habits you fall into are hard to break!
Lesson eight: If you have heartburn, talk to your doctor. If it's bad there's no reason to rely on Tums if they aren't working. There's medicine that you can take that will make you feel SO MUCH BETTER.
Lesson nine: Miralax works wonders for pregnancy constipation. My doctors and I worked really hard and tried all sorts of laxatives that didn't work (I know, TMI, but seriously. I WISH I would have known this before and if someone would have written it I would have been eternally thankful). Finally we realized that the first thing we'd tried (Miralax) was the answer. But instead of taking multiple doses over the course of the day, I had to take multiple doses at once, with LOTS of water. Just like that, 6 weeks of constipation were done. Hallelujah.
Lesson ten: Do "Good things, Hard things" everyday. At the end of the night, tell someone or write down something good and something hard from your day. It could be anything. But it's a safe place to get out things that are bothering you and remind yourself of the joyful parts of pregnancy.
I know there's things I wanted to remember that I'm forgetting...which is why I really should have written some stuff down. (Lesson eleven: write things down when you think about them). But I'll call it a night.
Coming up: Part 2: What I wish I had known about giving birth, and Part 3: What I wish I had known about having a newborn.
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